It's all your fault
by musicalvampirelove
Summary: Elphaba died. And Glinda blames her...


AN: Well, another try for a story. I'm still not a native speaker and I didn't send this story to anybody to check it, mainöly because I don't think my English teacher would like it and it could be sort of embarassing, so be kind with me, yeah? And well, I hope the layout works as I tried it, I', not quite sure.

Disclaimer: Nothing new here: I own NOTHING at all. Neither Wicked the musical nor Wicked the book nor the characters out of both. Just as I don't own the lyrics of the song. „It's all your fault" belongs to P!NK, the rest mainly to Gregory Maguire and whomever he might have given rights. I'm not one of those lucky people...

Description: Elphaba died and Glinda blames her for it...

It's all your fault

_I conjure up the thought of being gone_

_But I'd probably even do that wrong_

_I try to think about which way_

_Would I be able to and would I be afraid_

Each second I'm alive is a second of torture to me, a second of unbearable pain and grief. It hasn't even been half a year yet, but I don't know how long I will be able to hold out. Every day I wake up and the only reason I didn't take a knife or a gun long ago and end my pathetic existence is that I know it would be the wrong thing to do. On the other hand, every thing I do is the wrong thing, so why do I care? How do I know staying alive isn't the wrong thing?

I haven't done anything right in my life, anything good, anything to be proud of. Mostly I knew what I should have done... But I didn't. I wasn't able to. I was afraid. Elphie...

_'Cause, oh-oh, I'm bleeding out inside_

_And oh-oh, I don't even mind_

It hurts, do you know that? It hurts so much, I know it does. But I can't feel it anymore. I know it hurts, but there's no pain. No, there is pain. But I'm too numb as that I'd mind. The pain isn't strong enough to express my real feelings, nothing is. I can't live without you, Elphie...

_It's all your fault_

_You called me beautiful_

_You turned me out_

_And now I can't turn back_

How often did you call me _your sweet_? How often did you call me beautiful? Because perhaps if you hadn't, it wouldn't be so hard now, you know. You changed me, you came rushing into my life and changed everything, it's beyond anything I could tell with words. I'm not me anymore, and it's because of you. If it hadn't been for you, I would still be an ignorant upper-class pussy. But do you know what? Being an upper-class pussy didn't HURT! Why did you do that to me, Elphie? Why did you go?

_I hold my breath_

_Because you were perfect_

_But I'm running out of air_

_And it's not fair_

Maybe if I don't breathe for long enough it will be different. Everything might be different, what do you think? You never saw it, but I did. Every time I think of you, my breath catches in my throat because I'm once again overwhelmed by your pure perfection. It doesn't help. I'm feeling like I can't breathe anymore, but my lungs keep telling me otherwise. I'm still here, although ther can't be any oxygen left... Elphie, how does that work? How is this considered fair? It isn't, because life just is not fair...

_I'm trying to figure out what else to say_

_To make you turn around and come back this way_

_(Please come back this way)_

_I feel like we could be really awesome together_

_So make up your mind, 'cause it's now or never_

Please... Give me another chance. Just one last chance to make things right. I know you can, so don't be so damn bloody stubborn! Come back, back to Oz, back to me. You once told me that together we were unlimited, and you know what, you're right. We are. Come back to me, there's no need for stupid games of hiding, it's childish. You've never been like that, why do you start now? Elphie, together we can make things right...

_It's all your fault_

_You called me beautiful_

_You turned me out_

_And now I can't turn back_

How could you do that to me? Why did you just die and leave me here all on my own? Was it really necessary? You told me you'd never leave me and yet you obviously did. Is that all I've ever meant to you? Something to leave behind and forget like a broken toy? You've never had much toys. I expected you to be more careful with the ones you had, but I've been wrong. But _I_ cannot turn back. You've left me behind, broken, there's no way back for me, Elphie...

_I hold my breath_

_Because you were perfect_

_But I'm running out of air_

_And it's not fair_

You were perfect. You are perfect. It always has the same effect on me. Do you think this is alright? Treating me like this? Because it is absolutely not. Here I am, lying on my bed, gasping for breath, and you deny me my air? You just ignore my struggles? How long do you think I'm going to hold out? Do you wanna bet, Elphie?

_I would never_

_Pull the trigger_

_But I've cried wolf a thousand times_

_I wish you could_

_Feel as bad as I do_

_I have lost my mind_

_It's all your fault..._

Glinda the Good collapsed in a heap on the floor, as she did every night, screaming and sobbing, changing between clutching her pillow to her chest and punching it with her little fists until she couldn't feel them anymore. This was the reason she had refused to have a personal guard for her room at night. Over the days, she was able to control her suffocating grief, but the longer she managed to hide her true feelings behind a mask of bubbliness and joy, the harder it got to suppress them at night. Every day a small piece of her heart died, she could feel it although her Elphie had taken her heart with her when she'd left, and every night the pain exploded within her until she couldn't think straight anymore.

She wouldn't kill herself. Elphie had asked her to hold out, and hold out she would. But all the effort she took couldn't prevent her soul from dying, until she was just a shell of herself, her soul tied to her body with chains of pure fire, trying to escape and get to the only true love she'd ever experienced while her body clung to the soul and kept it in Oz because she had promised. And she wouldn't break her promise. Elphie had asked her to hold out. But it didn't prevent her from slowly going insane.

AN: Mistakes or not? I'd love you to give me some feedback – about the story as well as about my English :-/


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